I won’t do it. Those four words have run around a track in my brain for the past few weeks about a number of things. You want me to call you? I won’t do it. I need to write something for my blog? I won’t do it. I need to pick up some ice cream before I stop eating it for the forty days of Lent? I won’t, well, maybe that one I’ll do. No rebellion is worth a mint chocolate chip sacrifice. I’m not exactly sure it’s the most productive way to proceed but, instead of trying to swim up stream against my own mind, I have decided to just roll with it. I haven’t been doing stuff all over the place and I have to tell you, it feels fantastic. I also should tell you that I wear won’t well but, well, I won’t.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely think there is a place for structure in my life, and we all have things that we need to do that we would prefer not to deal with but, sometimes, when you can, you have to let go. Sometimes, you have to let the wind carry you. Sometimes, you have to look life squarely in the eyes and tell it to back off as
you slip into your most comfortable pair of pajamas and hole up in the house with your pillow pet and a big box of Bugles. Why Bugles? So you can place one on each finger and then pretend that you are in a Harry Potter movie as you chase around after your cat while waving your hand and practicing spells trying to conjure up more Bugles. How else would you relax?
I guess you could say that I woke up one day and found myself a prisoner of my to do list. Every day it grew bigger and bigger and I could feel myself struggling with the weight of it as I tried to find some way to balance it all. Suddenly everything had the same urgent priority. All things became an obligation and even social outings were scheduled down to the minute feeling less like fun and more like an action item on an enforced agenda. There was no time to rest. There was barely time to eat. And like always, I set the bar so high for myself on what I expected to accomplish that each night as I lay in bed, I felt defeated and exhausted to the bone. It nearly drove me crazy and it absolutely drove me into the arms of the first charmer who had a nice smile and box of Bugles. Ok, that’s a lie. He had Oreos and a crooked tooth but, he had no sense of urgency, no expectations and the words to do were as foreign to him as fourth and ten were to me so I proposed. We are getting married next week as I was able to squeeze him into slot 17A on my to do list.
The fact of the matter is that I want to get things done in my day to day life. I feel good when I cross something off of the list. I appreciate accomplishment and I have goals to reach that are important to me. It’s true. There is something to be said though for taking the day as it comes and for enjoying whatever happens to happen. I lost touch with that for a little while. I got so wrapped up in what needed to be done that the more scheduled I was, the more I scheduled. Instead of using the to do list to help me prioritize and organize which would provide me with more flexibility and free time, I found myself rigidly chained to it. It didn’t afford me the opportunity to relax and move about my life readily rather it tied me to the ground.
So, what I need to do once my case of the rebellious won’ts settles down is revamp my to do list or, the way that I choose to look at it. Perhaps I can find a way to approach it where I utilize it as a reminder versus a set of absolute musts written in stone. Better yet, what if I hired someone and made them do everything on the list? I’d follow them around and as I surveyed the scene and stepped in when necessary, I could snack on some delicious Bugles which I would keep safely tucked away in my fanny pack. Yes, a fanny pack. I’d be a woman on the move who would need both hands free for the purposes of supervising and snacking. Something small that wouldn’t get in the way would be perfect. And of course it would have a tiny compartment where I could stash the spicy cinnamon gum that I would chew whenever I wanted to make out with my crooked toothed Oreo loving fiancee.
All kidding aside, what I am trying to say is this. Sometimes a rose smells a little sweeter when you aren’t scheduled to smell it and there are some tasks, some items on your to do list, where the experience is equally as important as the achievement.