I laugh, I love, I stumble, I struggle and I trip over my words and my own two feet. I chase my tail and it feels like on certain days my brain refuses to take a breather. I imagine, I conjure, I wax poetic. I try, I fail, I succeed, I sit and I stare at impasses. I feel triumphant and frustrated and heartbroken and as though my feet are floating above the ground. I swing up, I swing down and sometimes I find I swing around and around but that’s mostly because I’m dancing. I live, I leave, I run, I hide, I confront and I consider. My life has been my biggest challenge. Trying to figure it out, go with it, learn from it, live it, move it, breathe it and make sure I don’t feel as though I’m fading under the weight of it. I hope, I dream, I paint the biggest pictures for myself and as my imagination follows the twists and turns and discovers things that make me proud that I am who I am, I blog. I crack myself open here and I pour myself out. I give almost all I have and the little that I keep is because I am still trying to find my voice and make peace with knowing that it’s ok to be who I am and to disagree with or ruffle the feathers of a few folks. This blog has helped me develop a much needed independent spirit and has challenged me in ways I never expected.
Below you will find the stats for Goodbye Whoopee Pie for 2012. I love them. I am astonished by them. I had no idea when I started this whole thing that it would continue to grow the way it has. Who knew that a girl lost in the middle of her life would be such a draw? I certainly didn’t but then again, I was sometimes so stuck in the muck of my own mind that I didn’t look up for very long to notice the life that was going on around me. How grateful I am that all of that has changed and that although I still get a little lost in myself sometimes, I also have made space for possibility and hope and the promise of wonderful things.
You are a wonderful thing. Listening, reading and offering me advice or comfort or some firm words when I needed to hear them. Thank you for everything and know that anytime you read what I write I am grateful and it means the world to me.
This year I moved in with a man who loves me for exactly who I am. When I used to go to bed at night when I was twelve, I would whisper to the ceiling how much I wanted a boyfriend. Well, if that girl only knew how lucky she would find herself at thirty-eight she wouldn’t have fretted nearly as much as she did. I fret no more. Not about love. I only smile.
I also booked a wedding venue, found myself riddled with panic attacks due to an overactive thyroid, discovered an allergy to gluten, tested positive for a gene mutation, moved into an apartment with my fiancee, moved my wedding date due to my illness, changed jobs and drifted from and reconnected with some friends. I purchased a wedding dress, spent quality time with my family who were diligent, protective and loving as I struggled with how badly I was feeling and was lucky enough to have some of the most patient and generous in-laws to be welcome me like I had been their daughter for years.
What a life.
What a year.
As I raise my glass to toast the New Year, I hope that it finds you well and happy and fulfilled and that even as you move and stumble and sway and swing you have the good fortune to have people around you who will adjust their steps and time themselves with whatever music is your current soundtrack. I have that, you are that for me and if need be, say the word, I’ll grab my dancing shoes and head on over.
Thank you again and a very Happy, Healthy, Hope-Filled New Year.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 10,000 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 17 years to get that many views.