Tired To Doer Hits Wall of Won’t

I won’t do it. Those four words have run around a track in my brain for the past few weeks about a number of things. You want me to call you? I won’t do it. I need to write something for my blog? I won’t do it. I need to pick up some ice cream before I stop eating it for the forty days of Lent? I won’t, well, maybe that one I’ll do. No rebellion is worth a mint chocolate chip sacrifice. I’m not exactly sure it’s the most productive way to proceed but, instead of trying to swim up stream against my own mind, I have decided to just roll with it. I haven’t been doing stuff all over the place and I have to tell you, it feels fantastic. I also should tell you that I wear won’t well but, well, I won’t.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely think there is a place for structure in my life, and we all have things that we need to do that we would prefer not to deal with but, sometimes, when you can, you have to let go. Sometimes, you have to let the wind carry you. Sometimes, you have to look life squarely in the eyes and tell it to back off as

Snack food made from corn formed into hollow, ...

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you slip into your most comfortable pair of pajamas and hole up in the house with your pillow pet and a big box of Bugles. Why Bugles? So you can place one on each finger and then pretend that you are in a Harry Potter movie as you chase around after your cat while waving your hand and practicing spells trying to conjure up more Bugles. How else would you relax?

I guess you could say that I woke up one day and found myself a prisoner of my to do list. Every day it grew bigger and bigger and I could feel myself struggling with the weight of it as I tried to find some way to balance it all. Suddenly everything had the same urgent priority. All things became an obligation and even social outings were scheduled down to the minute feeling less like fun and more like an action item on an enforced agenda. There was no time to rest. There was barely time to eat. And like always, I set the bar so high for myself on what I expected to accomplish that each night as I lay in bed, I felt defeated and exhausted to the bone. It nearly drove me crazy and it absolutely drove me into the arms of the first charmer who had a nice smile and box of Bugles. Ok, that’s a lie. He had Oreos and a crooked tooth but, he had no sense of urgency, no expectations and the words to do were as foreign to him as fourth and ten were to me so I proposed. We are getting married next week as I was able to squeeze him into slot 17A on my to do list.

The fact of the matter is that I want to get things done in my day to day life. I feel good when I cross something off of the list. I appreciate accomplishment and I have goals to reach that are important to me. It’s true. There is something to be said though for taking the day as it comes and for enjoying whatever happens to happen. I lost touch with that for a little while. I got so wrapped up in what needed to be done that the more scheduled I was, the more I scheduled. Instead of using the to do list to help me prioritize and organize which would provide me with more flexibility and free time, I found myself rigidly chained to it. It didn’t afford me the opportunity to relax and move about my life readily rather it tied me to the ground.

So, what I need to do once my case of the rebellious won’ts settles down is revamp my to do list or, the way that I choose to look at it. Perhaps I can find a way to approach it where I utilize it as a reminder versus a set of absolute musts written in stone. Better yet, what if I hired someone and made them do everything on the list? I’d follow them around and as I surveyed the scene and stepped in when necessary, I could snack on some delicious Bugles which I would keep safely tucked away in my fanny pack. Yes, a fanny pack. I’d be a woman on the move who would need both hands free for the purposes of supervising and snacking. Something small that wouldn’t get in the way would be perfect.   And of course it would have a tiny compartment where I could stash the spicy cinnamon gum that I would chew whenever I wanted to make out with my crooked toothed Oreo loving fiancee.

All kidding aside, what I am trying to say is this. Sometimes a rose smells a little sweeter when you aren’t scheduled  to smell it and there are some tasks, some items on your to do list, where the experience is equally as important as the achievement.


10 thoughts on “Tired To Doer Hits Wall of Won’t

  1. I know what you mean. I have a to-do list, too, and I make myself crazy with the things I think I need to do. I made myself too busy, and I like to get things done quickly, which makes me work on them until I’m exhausted, so I finally forced myself to slow down. That means that I have become super slow on my comic script, but oh well. I’m sick of being tired. Once certain things are out of the way, I’ll get back to it. Good for you choosing to relax.
    That sounds fun, putting bugles on your fingers. It would be like having edible claws.

    • I hear you duck. I have found myself on more than one occasion being sick and tired of being tired. And I also know what you mean when you say you work on things until you are exhausted. Some posts I write are like that. I think we both need to remind ourselves to take breaks more often. :)

      The Bugles claws are fun. No matter how old I get, it always makes me laugh!

  2. I’ve got a mountain of stuff waiting on my own to-do list because of my own battle with “Oh no I’m not!” So I feel you here. The mountain is about to topple over in my living room, and it threatens to hit the cat, so I better git!

  3. It was a typical Friday at work, two of my coworkers and I were laughing it up and realized it was almost time to go home, but we were having such a good time we decided to go out for a few drinks. That was until Lautrelle remembered Sean had swim practice, Susan had to go grocery shopping and I had to be in Philly by 6 PM. We all looked at our schedules to figure out a night we could hang out, that was a month ago– our “night of fun” is tomorrow. How sad is that? You totally just reminded me the importance of sometimes just letting life happen.

    • Amen Shanae. I have had the same trouble trying to find time to get together with friends and it can be frustrating. I just wish I could pick up the phone when I wanted to and get together with who I wanted to. Sometimes I get lucky and that happens but other times I find myself trying to figure out a way to see someone before I forget what they look like :). I’ll be the first to admit that my schedule is not always the easiest to navigate but, maybe if we held pockets of time with people over the months not necessarily with carved out plans decided upon, but more as a place holder, it would help. That way, when the day arrived, we could do what we’d want to if we still would want to do anything, depending on how the mood strikes us. I’m not sure if that’s a doable solution but, it seems to at least move the needle a little closer to kind of letting life happen? Right? Or did I just add another thing to work on to my to do list? :) Thanks for the comment!

  4. Bugles on the fingertips is one of life’s great little joys. Enjoy them. And, more importantly, don’t feel guilty about enjoying them.
    Wasn’t it John Lennon who said “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

    • Exactly Amy. That John Lennon quote is one that I refer to over and over again as I make my way through life. It rings so true. Ok, I’m off to enjoy some Bugles and the Stylish Blogger award you so kindly bestowed upon me. Thank you for thinking of me and for your wonderful words. Coming from someone whose writing I thoroughly enjoy I consider it the best kind of compliment.

  5. The tags, particularly the first two, are among my favorite things about this post.

    Best wishes to you and congratulations to your Oreo-loving, crooked-toothed fiance.

    • Thank you Hippie. I’ll let you know where we are registered :). And I have not forgotten that I owe you a post regarding the honor that you bestowed upon me a few weeks ago. I have already put the award on my mantle. The least I can do is thank you accordingly and appropriately. Perhaps, due to my poor manners, I can smooth things over between us by sending you some Bugles? Maybe a fanny pack full? You would be the envy of all who know you, or at least that’s what I tell myself, as I am the recipient of strange stares whenever I sport mine in public these days which I attribute to both admiration and jealousy :).

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